whats the benefit of wishful thinking in vain forever ?

I humiliated myself ..
Against people in a losing game..
I already lost alot.. and now am not trying anymore..
alone between people's voices ..
I die under a strange cover..
everything is lonly and sad,.. even the trees looks sad..
no one is there for me to reach my hand ..
and whats the benefit of wishful thinking in vain forever..
the years keeps going ,. the best of the years are gone..
and i dont want that glory,. the one you can buy with blood...
nor the love myths and the holy promises,. the ones in the dark ages..
I swear to the first day of creation..
I swear to the last day..
I swear to the shame of the crime..
and to the eternal rule that keeps us alive..
that its not what am looking for ..
I dont expect anything from life anymore..
and I dont see the past with regretting eyes..
all I want is you,. and am ready to change the rules for you..
and if you are Impossible for me to have..
I will be looking for tranquility and freedom...
I would like to forget .. And sleep again..